My Ma

Well, here she is- the beautiful young woman that raised me- My Ma! Let me tell you a little bit about her. She was born on January 17, 1957. Although she was born on the East side... she couldn't stay away from the mountains and the rugged coast of Washington. Mom has sacrificed many things for me. For most of my growing up mom took care of me and provided for me. As a single mom she did her best to encourage and cheer me on in all those activities- from clarinet lessons to volleyball games, softball practice, yes, ballet and even Jazz, shh... we BOTH even wore our cheetah spandex in Jazzercize! Mom was one of my biggest fans, even if she was exhausted from working all day... she still did her best to be there...

As life has continued on... we have both gotten older... have both experienced wonderful joys and celebrations... and have both been put in places that are challenging to the core.

Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer about two years ago. When she was diagnosed and treated the first time, it was only a number of months before doctors couldn't find the cancer anymore- "A miracle"- they declared! I believe it could have been.

Several months ago doctors found it again, only this time it had spread to the liver. I was in Slovakia when I found out and mom began her chemo treatments again. I was able to move back here to WA and we have been able to walk through this hard hard time together.

You know, you can never really be prepared when doctors share "matter of fact" details when it comes to human life. Last week...As I sat in the room with the doctor, my grandpa, and my mom I didn't want to hear a time frame when it came to life, I didn't want to hear about "getting things ready," I didn't want to hear about different options, I didn't want to hear any of it... I just wanted to go back to a time and a place where nothing else really mattered except for going to a New Kids on the Block concert with my ma. A time when there were no worries... everything was happy.

I like simple. I like happiness... I desire more though.

I desire holiness.

If we never have the possibility to face storms that hurt so much, and leave our hearts so badly broken- so wounded... then I don't think I would truly learn to depend on a God who is master through all of this. I would try to manage it all on my own. Praise God that I am not standing alone! My feet are firmly planted upon Him-He is my ultimate strength. Nothing can separate me from Him... not hurt, not unknowns, not even death (Romans 8:38). God is real- My love for God does not waiver depending on life's situations. How selfish am I to love God when things are going well for me, and pout when things are not going my way! Life isn't about me! Unfortunately, that is what my sinful nature wants to fall towards.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Many people have asked me recently, "Shantra, how can you believe in a God who lets things like cancer, war, and murder happen?"

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." Romans 8:13-16

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the LORD, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10

"For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous." Romans 5:18

My simple answer is, "How can I not?"

This isn't easy... in fact it is hard... so hard... and it is causing me to cry out, pray boldly, and seek Him constantly. I ask for you to join me. Please pray for our family. Pray for a whole complete restoration in mom- emotional, spiritual, physical, mental. Pray that my entire family would KNOW His love and embrace it. Pray for us, that we would surrender ourselves fully.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

Amen