Amman, Jordan

So… I’ll explain my time here in a parable… yep, it is that time of month where we celebrate Jesus and his triumphal entry… so why not… Here goes… true story…

Yesterday, my friend Julia and I decided to head to Amman Jordan to meet up with another dear friend. We left after class realizing that we were leaving at a very important time and day (Shabbat for the Jews) and Prayer at the Mosque (for the Muslims). After asking numerous Arab taxi “Sharoot” drivers, we realized we needed to find different transportation. The Husein border which leads to Amman, Jordan from Jericho (Palestine territory) had shut down the border on top of that. So…we needed to cross on the Israeli side if we were going to get to Jordan… Julia and I booked it from Eastern Jerusalem to Western where the bus station was… we needed to get there before Shabbat actually started because everything shuts down… including modes of transportation! We made it just in time to hop a bus to Bait Shean, a northern city near the border (2 ½ hours away). After enjoying a nice bus ride to the North, we were dropped off in the middle of nowhere… all shops were closed and no cars were on the roads… it was officially Shabbat. So… we did anything that two girls would do in traveling in the Middle East… we started walking to where we thought the border might be! We didn’t have to walk long, a taxi came up and we jumped in “To Jordan” we said!


We arrived, paid our exit fees, bought a Jordanian visa, and hopped on yet, another bus… that only took us literally, across the border. Once crossing we walked to a group of taxi drivers who were chatting away and in our best Arabic asked to go to Amman, we were off with “Fadi” our taxi driver. The ride was beautiful. The car slowly climbed up the hills of Northern Jordan with nothing but hills for miles and miles. We passed a few villages that sat just a little off the weathered roads. The people of the community sat on the dirt admiring their land with tea in hand and a huka in the other… ah, it was so peaceful there. The sun set and left a feathery pink glow in the sky. Our taxi pressed on. Julia and I had a few pitas, a few Dinar (Jordanian money), clothing covering us from neck to toe (as foreigners we are not required to wear head coverings) and the moment to hang on to! Oh, it was amazing. I noticed that my heart was extremely content and at peace with the places with which the broken shacks didn’t at all display the beautiful people that lived in them.

The sun eventually set and the solitude of the mountains were met by the modern day lights shining in the night sky of Amman. We met my friend at what Fadi called, “Starmucks”… yes; we did pamper ourselves with a little American coffee! Did I mention that our communication since we left Jerusalem required Arabic? We had fun, let me tell you! We sat for hours and caught up. It was so good.

The next morning Julia and I walked to a building that held the sign “Turkish Bathhouse” Of course we had to explore! It would appear that we had walked into a palace only fit for royalty- but today, we translated, “it was for us!” There were high domed ceilings and pillows on the low benches. We continued in. The lights were dim and we did not mind escaping into the thickness of the Middle Eastern culture. We did not know we’d be in for another adventure… all in less than 24 hours.

We were led by hand into a changing room. From there, we were escorted to another large “bath” room with baths, otherwise known as a hot tub. The first stop for us was the sauna. The lady moved the heavy cloth curtain away and we were welcomed by thick steam with Jasmine aroma. The dome above us was dark with the colors of “Allah” over head. The room had just enough light for you to see the outlines of other figures in this hot foggy room of the east. My body has never sat in such intense heat for so long… I thought my skin was starting to singe… thus bringing about the first step in the cleansing process. The second stop was the showers… Yea, for water pressure! We washed away our sweat and toxins then sat in the “tub” communal hot tub, again in the ambiance of the east. Here is my favorite part...

A woman came, tapped my shoulder and I followed her to a slab of marble in the shape of a table. I was scrubbed. I’m convinced that most of my skin still lay on that table today… First was the raw scrub (no soap) then the bubble scrub. We were then drenched with buckets of water and given a massage which was really….um… interesting… it felt good and hurt all at the same time. Two hours later we sat in the comfy room with a plethora of pillows and tea in hand. I felt so clean and so good. The women that had “worked on us” were now covered from head to toe in material. They went from the room where all women were to the public… and back again. It only took 30 seconds, but their modesty was something to commend, especially on this hot day. If there was a chance that a man would be out there, they were covered. Julia and I left feeling so much better than from when we came in.

I tell you all of the details for a reason. Hang with me for the next part and I’ll bring it together in the end.


When mom passed away, 2 years ago tomorrow, I was devastated. It hit me hard. Questions for God multiplied. How can our God let mom suffer in the way He did? It hurt so much to see her, my mom that I love… to see her hurt like this. I can still hear her labored breaths as she took her last. I didn’t understand then and I still don’t. Mom gave so much of her own life so that I, and many other people could live more fully… you realize these things unfortunately sometimes when it is too late to say thank you.

Losing her has caused my heart to hurt so badly. Oh I miss her still. Two years have gone by… things are not the same as they used to be, they never will be- this is just reality. But life still goes on- it has to. It isn’t fair to all the other living people around you if it doesn’t.Whenever you are hit by some sort of crisis, questions come out of it. For me, it was my view of God that needed some inspection. All of a sudden I questioned Him and was brought to the scary recognition of “Maybe God isn’t who I thought He was.”

Hence, my time of questioning and turmoil intensified. When your foundation is rocked, you not only question what lies behind the foundation, but you question why your actions reflect something that you are not so sure about anymore. Not that God doesn’t allow bad things to happen, or suffering to happen… He does. When you believe so whole heartedly in your heart that something is going to happen and for whatever reason, it doesn’t it can be devastating. I prayed for mom’s physical healing a lot, but more importantly I prayed that she would be restored emotionally, mentally, and physically… I prayed for her peace inside.

When I didn’t see those things occur in the way that I thought they should have, believing that God would answer... it threw me for a loop. How could God not want this for her? This is where I got stuck and mad. “Have faith, Shantra” is what I heard echoing back at me from those who just didn’t know how else to answer my questions. I would be able to travel around the world and back if every time I heard those words, I’d received a penny.

Why did God take mom’s life? I have tried to answer this question. It all boils down to, “I don’t know.” I can’t explain why mom is not here any more. I also can’t explain God’s rational. I have tried- believe me… we won’t know.

Here is where it all ties together.

In the Bath house, there were times I thought my skin was coming off.. actually, I think it did. There were times that we were so out of our cultural comfort zone, I almost wanted to walk out the way we came and forget it. But that would not be fun at all. We would miss the complete joy of being able to discover something new. The uncofortableness all benefited us in the end with relaxed bodies and minds and very, very soft skin. The stages of getting there were definitely trying, but so worth it in the end. Do I understand everything that was said or done in the bathhouse? Absolutely not! But I know enough to realize that it was a good thing. I didn’t need to speak the whole Arabic language or I didn’t need to have studied the previous civilization who took baths to understand that this is something that was good and I wanted it. Faith in God is like that too.

No matter how many years we study or how many questions we have for God, we will always have more to study, more to ask, etc. It would be easy to throw in the towel at our first signs of discomfort or confusion, but we would never be able to experience that fullness or goodness that comes along with that hard journey. It is those uncomfortable stretching times, when things don't make a whole lot of sense that grow us and make us stronger... in many cases those times produce change that reflect a deeper understanding of who we are and more importantly, who He is.

Our constant pursuit of Him will never change the fact that He does exist and He is constant and it is NOT defined based on the culture we live in or the times. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, regardless of the quantity of information we have in our brains. He is a good thing. If I were to know Arabic and be familiar with the culture, would I have enjoyed my experiences more in the bathhouse? Yes, because it would be more familiar to me and thus, more enjoyable.I could appreciate it more fully than before. I wouldn’t feel so awkward. However, even with the little bit I knew about it, I could draw some conclusions. I like it and it is a good thing!

I can’t explain to you FULLY who God is. Surprise surprise. If you are honest, you can’t either. None of us can. But what I can tell you is that we know enough for certain. On the most basic level we cannot deny it; He does exist. From studying the layout of the land, archeological evidence, diving into the different belief systems here, and from what the texts (both biblical and non biblical) reveal of ancient times, it is obvious that there was a genuine maker who was worshiped and who revealed himself to the people.

The more I know about God, the deeper I can appreciate Him. As my ambition grows in seeking Him out, the more pleasure I receive in return. There will always be questions. Do you know everything there is to know about your spouse or you’re friends? My guess is no. But it doesn't stop you in the pursuit of discovery.

Now, please know... I certainly do not have it "all together and figured out." I have so many questions it is unbelievable! However, the continued questioning and opportunity for answers are the small things that make our journeys with Him so much more exciting… can we say… like bath time.