April 6, 2007

January 17, 1957 my ma was born into this world. April 6, 2007 my ma left. Mom was a fighter until the very end. Although mom wasn’t really able to tell everyone how much she loved them towards the end I know that she would want you all to know. Mom cared for a lot of people and therefore she was easily loved in return.

Yesterday her little nephew wrote his “Aunt Annie” a card. It read: I love you. You’re the best aunt I ever had. You were very nice to me. I’ll always rember you. You were the best. I’ll remember and I’ll always love you and youll be in a happy place. I love you.

I couldn’t have said it better myself. I am going to miss her so much. My heart is definitely grieving. It was weird trying to go to sleep last night when there were not the sounds of mom in the background- no hug at night, no coughing, no laughing, no bonding over American Idol. For the past two months I have gotten use to making breakfast for her, bringing her ice chips at night, checking on her through the rough nights. I lay in bed last night… it was different- so quiet- so lonely.

At the end of mom’s life I was able to hold her hand, pray for her, kiss her, and just let her know that I love her. I whispered into her ear “Let Him take you mom, I’ll be ok… I love you” Mom passed away with her mom and dad, best friend, Lor, and me at her side. I love her so much.

I was reminded of a couple of things today.

Good Friday was the day that Jesus died…and for me- also the day that mom passed away… the days that followed for the disciples were confusing, frightening, new, and unpredictable…. As it is for me. The disciples had no idea what was next… their worlds would be rocked by the unexpected to come…I’m sure they didn’t “feel it/ or see” that many incredible things came from Christ’s death.

I know that with mom’s life she was an encouragement to those she came in contact with. She loved so many. Now I’m trusting that even though the road seems confusing, frightening, and new… that her death would also be a new beginning … that we would be encouraged... God is a God who works through unpredictable circumstances. Would I have chosen this for mom? No. Never. I wouldn’t have chosen it for Jesus either. But as a result of his death magnificent change came that transformed lives. I want the end of mom’s story to end exactly the same. I’m just going to wait and pray with anticipation knowing that great things are to come… even if I can’t see it or feel it now- I’m trusting Him for this. I mean after all- it was Good Friday!